I’ve been thinking a lot lately about stories I tell myself. Of course, I tell myself all kinds of stories about all different topics, but those which have been my point of interest are the stories I tell myself about myself. Mostly these stories concern who I am and what I am or am not capable of doing.
For example, here are some of my character definitions of myself within the past 10 or so years:
* I’m not a “professional” person, i.e. I’m not capable of working in a corporate environment.
* I’m afraid of commitment and not cut out for dating or relationships.
* My skill sets are incomplete or not provable (by a piece of paper), and therefor they are less valueable
Here’s the thing about stories – they’re not necessarily true. Can’t I just decide not to believe them anymore? (Yes.) What does that feel like? (Liberating.) Try it!
Oh man. What magic pill makes you stop believing these stories?! I need it! If I cant get the pill, I guess I will just have to start telling new different positive stories… why is this so hard when the bad stories come so easily?
indeed. in thinking of a response to this, i immediately thought of samskaras and sankalpas*. in brief: samskaras are my habits; they are like deep grooves in my behavior that are easy to follow again and again (and that get deeper every time i tread them). sankalpas are new habits that i try to develop as alternatives to samskaras. actually, as i was taught, sankalpas are resolves or affirmations that can be used to encourage new habits. for example, if the habit i want to break is that i’m financially irresponsible, i could use a sankalpa that goes something like, “i am financially responsible”. of course i’d want to use a sankalpa that was more convincing than that, but the idea is that i say it to myself several times a day, and the more i say it the more i believe it, and a new habit starts forming.
so when i said, “Can’t I just decide not to believe [the negative stories] anymore? (Yes.)”, i didn’t mean that in a permanent sense. it is more like, for a split second can i not believe one of them? and what did it feel like for that split second? my idea is that if i do that on a regular basis, it is like a sankalpa … in actually feeling what it would be like for that to be true, i can believe it is possible, and if i believe it, who knows what could happen.
* samskaras and sankalpas have been mentioned many a time on this site. perhaps i should start to use tags…
i would also like to recant this quote, from a previous post:
“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie – deliberate, contrived, and dishonest – but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.”
-John F. Kennedy
i find it interesting that kennedy himself totally fits the bill of ‘myth’ … hmmmmmm astute